One Regret

Before having a child, I thought that I didn't have many regrets.  I have had a good life and been blessed to do many things.  What was there to regret?

However, as I watch my child grow, I notice that there are so many times when I have rushed through life and avoided really focusing on what's around me.  Having a child has changed that.  Not only do I now have to notice everything around me (for fear that my child will get into it), but I have to teach my child about all that surrounds her...to know the difference between red and purple, one and ten, dogs and cats, edible and yucky, play time and quite time, good and bad, right and wrong, and so many more things.

Just this morning, I found myself trying to rush through the day so that we could get to nap time.  I needed rest after the lack of sleep this week has brought me.  But, my daughter didn't want anything to do with it.  She wasn't throwing a temper tantrum (thankfully) and she wasn't screeching in excitement (also, thankfully).  No, she was simply admiring the world around her and continually bringing different items to my lap to learn.

What a joyful time parenting is.  It's cause for learning for both child and parent.  It's cause for admiration of all that we know and all that we don't.  And, perhaps it's God's way of showing us that it's time to take a look around at all His glories.

I hope you are able to stop and look at the world around you today.  And, maybe just breathe and learn.

Can someone please press "STOP"...or at least "PAUSE"??

It's so easy to get stuck in one schedule and just keep on going like the "stop" or "pause" buttons are broken.  This has been my life recently.  With all of the holiday happenings: Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, cookie parties, play group parties, work parties, decorating the house, more Christmas parties, etc. etc. etc., I've barely had a chance to have life as I know it.  Then, when you toss in a child, the fast forward button seems to be pushed.  Days fly by and before I know it, it's less than two weeks until Christmas!

I don't really have a way to stop this, but thought I'd share that this is what I'm going through right now.  While it is a blast, it is also a little bit crazy.  Hopefully you're finding ways to stop and smell the pine of the Christmas trees.  Let me know how you do it!

I am smarter than a baby...right?

I have to admit, the idea of starting my daughter off on solid foods both excited me and made me nervous.  There are so many theories about how to get your child started on his or her first foods, which foods to avoid, how to start them off, whether or not to make your own food or buy baby food, and so on and so on.  How was I ever going to manage everything and make all of the right decisions so that my daughter would continue to thrive?

Thankfully, I quickly learned that, no matter what theory I used to approach solid foods, my daughter was going to do or want the opposite.  Trying to introduce solid foods became so difficult and time-consuming for me that I finally just gave in and found the one method that my daughter would eat, with the one food she would eat:  chicken with brown rice on a gigantic wooden spoon.

Now, most manuals and baby food books say not to introduce meats as a first food.  This wasn't the first food that I tried to introduce.  We started with avocados, then carrots, apples, rice cereal, peas, and green beans.   She didn't like anything.  I tried feeding her from a the plastic-lined spoons, wider baby spoons, regular spoons, and as finger food.  She wanted nothing to do with any of it.  Finally, I realized that she loves to play with my wooden spoons.  She also loves to put these in her mouth.  She also likes extremely bland food.  So, we tried the chicken on the wooden spoon and...IT WORKED!

For one month, the only way I could introduce any food to my daughter was on the wooden spoon.  Eventually, she began to like other foods and she began to eat on the regular baby spoons.  But, I learned a very important thing.  No matter what you read or what you know, your baby is going to have something else planned for you.  You have to think creatively in order to resolve the challenges that Baby tries to give you.  After all, we are smarter than our babies...right?

To thine own self be true

Shakespeare was a smart man...that might be an understatement, but needless to say he knew a bit about life.  And, this is something that I - as a mother - strive to have.  The problem comes when I look at all of the other mothers around me and realize that they're doing such a better job at being a mother.  I try to do the things that they do, but I fail.  So, I'm going to take a little Shakespearean advice and be true to my own self.

I teach a lot of fitness classes and, during these, continually remind my clients that no two people have the same body.  Therefore, no two people's bodies will function exactly the same.  We have to recognize the movements and strengths within our own bodies and then realize the limitations that we have so that we don't injure ourselves.  This thought is also true with life and being a mother.  No two mothers are the same.  And, each of us has our own strengths and limitations.  Realizing and incorporating these into our lives is important so that, just as in exercise, we don't injure ourselves.  While this injury may not always be physical, the emotional and mental damages can be just as devastating.

So, here's an activity for all of you to do...take five minutes during your day to just sit and breathe.  Think about what you're good at and what you're not good at.  For me, I'm good at laughing - I LOVE to do it and I love to make my baby laugh.  I'm not good at leaving my baby by herself so that I can do other things.  She is almost always attached to me.  Now, I've realized how to incorporate these things into my daily life so that I can better function as a mom and a woman.  I have found that my daughter loves to play with blocks and balls.  I found this while trying to make my daughter laugh.  Now, I have realized that I can set my daughter down with the blocks and/or balls and she will be happy playing for a few minutes while I go change a load of laundry or run to the bathroom.  Granted, I still have my limitation that I don't like to be away from her, but I've been able to adapt and work on my own weaknesses as a mom.

Being true to myself with what I can and cannot (or will not) do has helped me to realize that I don't need to be exactly like the perfect moms that I see all around me.  In fact, if I were to ask, I bet none of those moms would think they're perfect.  I am a good mom when I show my daughter what it means to be true to yourself.

Romancing Mom

Let's face it, life after a baby completely changes the way we (moms) act, think, and look at life...and romance.  Gone are the days when I hope my husband comes home with flowers and sweeps me off my feet like is so commonly seen in romance movies.  No, the very notion of romance has completely evolved into something else in my new, crazy life as a mother.

I'm not saying that romance is gone.  Quite the opposite...romance is still very present and needed in my life.  However, it's different.  A friend of mine once showed me the book Porn for New Moms.  I didn't completely understand it at the time (I hadn't yet had children), but it made me laugh.  The very thought of a man coming home and offering to take the baby so that mom can get a bath or go out with girlfriends seemed ridiculous.  Now, I completely understand the concept!

As a mom, we want romance.  But, what really is romance?  I think that it's feeling appreciated for the person we are and feeling as though we're a part of a team.  I want my husband to look at me and know exactly what I'm feeling and what I need without having to tell him.  As a mother, I crave feeling like an adult, but so often my life don't allow this.

When my husband comes home and offers to take Baby or when he knows there's a poopy diaper yet doesn't hand her back to me, this is romance.  He is recognizing that he too is a part of our relationship and respecting the fact that I've been home all day with Baby - unable to have anyone else help with her care.  By giving me a minimum of five minutes alone (not changing a diaper or being spit up on), I feel closer to my husband than if he were to bring home a dozen roses (Sweetie, if you're reading this, just know that a dozen roses will always be accepted).  The more ways that my husband helps, the sexier he becomes to me.  And, saying this as tactfully as I can, the sexier my husband is, the more my response isn't going to be "I just want to go to sleep" when he asks me what I want to do that evening.

With all this in mind.  I've made a list of the things that are romantic to me.  Be sure to leave a comment with how you like to be romanced.

1. A home-cooked meal (that I didn't prepare)
2. A surprise babysitter (that I didn't have to schedule)
3. The hubby watches Baby while I go out with girlfriends
4. A surprise back massage because my husband realizes I've been carrying Baby around all day
5. The hubby watches Baby so I can get a bath
6. Daddy reading to Baby
7. Daddy interacting with Baby
8. The hubby folding a load of diapers or baby clothes (or any other load of laundry)
9. A daddy who attempts to accessorize his daughter
10. A daddy who has fallen asleep with Baby so that Mommy could do other work

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I may have spit up all over me, but at least I'm wearing heels

We all have things that make us feel gorgeous.  For me, it's shoes.  I have lots of "happy" shoes.  My husband has never quite understood the fact that the right pair of shoes can make me feel great!  They may be my bright pink moccasins or my Audrey Hepburn red heels with a bow on the toe, or they may be the brightly colored, fuzzy slippers that are oh-so-comfortable.  Whichever shoe I'm in the mood for, my emotion changes the second I put it on.  I go from being down-in-the-dumps to happy and excited for the day to come.

My "Happy" Shoes

Pregnancy, both pre-natal and post-partum, is a time of emotional highs and lows.  People say stupid things to us (that's a separate blog issue), we gain weight, hair grows in odd places, we lose hair, our skin changes, and we have these lovely lines developing on our bodies.  Basically, a lot of things we didn't know would happen - or didn't think would happen - occur.  During nine months of pregnancy and many, many, many months (or years) afterwards, we develop a self-consciousness about ourselves and our bodies.  It's not the body we're used to.  Our body becomes alien to us.

The good news is that we can still feel good while going through all these changes.  For you, it may not be wearing the right pair of shoes.  It may be taking the time to fix your hair, painting your toes, reading a good book, watching your favorite TV show, going to your favorite restaurant, or any other thing that makes you happy.  It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be for you.

Finding the time to have even the tiniest bit of focus on yourself can do amazing things for your emotional state.  Not only will you feel better about yourself - and all of the changes occurring - but this attitude will emanate to your family.

Some rainy day you might see me walking into the coffee shop: I didn't have time to take a shower and I have spit up running down the side of my sweater.  Take a look at my shoes and you'll know that I've decided to take control of my emotions and all the chaos in my life.  What have you found that changes your attitudes and makes you happy?  Be sure to leave a comment below!

So, you're thinking about trying...

Let's face it, staying in shape can seem like an impossible task.  Then, you add the thought of growing another human being inside you - plus all the hormones involved with that - and staying in shape is one of the last things we think about.

Thankfully, there are other people out there who are able to help us!  This is where my friend, and health counselor, Michelle comes in.  Michelle has been counseling men and women around the country about maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Now, Michelle is bringing her knowledge and experience to any woman who is thinking about pregnancy, is pregnant, or wants to get pregnant again. Be sure to sign up for Michelle's latest e-course, Building a Baby Ready Body.  This course is sure to provide you with information about how to properly care for your body as you begin to consider pregnancy. 

While you're on Michelle's site, be sure to check out some of her phenomenal recipes.  She's got some amazing foods that are sure to cure any pregnant woman's cravings...my favorites being the crispy kale chips and the red velvet coconut muffins.

From Pumping Iron to Pumping...Baby?

Exercise can either be a good or bad thing depending on your personality, past experiences, and lifestyle.  But, there's no doubt that exercise, whether you like it or not, is a fact of life once you become a parent.

The first few weeks after we brought Baby home, the only way to calm her was to walk up and down the stairs in our house.  We did this over and over and over - all through the day and the night.  My husband and I would take turns and our calves turned into rock solid muscle.  As Baby began to get bored with the stairs, I had to develop some creativity.  We would bounce on the ball (a core balancing exercise), do sit ups on the ball (an ab/oblique workout), and even do squats against the wall with the ball (a quad/hamstring/glute workout).  As Baby grew and gained more weight, my biceps and triceps developed into a sculpted phenomenon of which I had only previously dreamed.  I even managed to work in some deltoid/rhomboid/trap (shoulder and upper back) action while entertaining Baby.  I was working out every major muscle system in my body.

I managed to disguise my workouts into Baby-pleasing activities that not only helped me lose the weight I had gained, but also allowed parts of my body to develop more than when I had been practicing sports on a regular basis.  And, this time it was fun and functional!  Baby was happy, I was happy - making my entire family happy! 

So, if you're having a hard time motivating yourself to lose those extra pounds from your baby, why not think about adding Baby into your exercise routine?  Those little smiles you get will help keep you motivated and on track.  If they don't, find a friend to go on a walk with.  Enjoy the last few days of nice weather before winter sets in.  Not only will you be helping your body, but you'll be teaching your child a valuable lesson in wellness.




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Establishing a Potty Routine

None of us really remember how we learned to go to the bathroom.  To us, it's simpler than almost any other function we do.  But, when you have a child all of that changes.
Now, most of you probably think that this blog is going to be about potty training your child.  Well, it's not.  Let's face it; there's a lot that needs to be learned about "going potty" even before you get to potty training.  I won't get into the details of going to the bathroom after delivery...I don't want to scare away any blog readers who haven't yet had children.  No, let's talk about going to the bathroom when you have nowhere to put Baby.  The obvious decision is then to retrain yourself in how to go to the bathroom with Baby.

As women, we know how to effectively use public restrooms.  We can hover, squat, and maneuver our bodies into positions so that we never have to touch the toilet seat.  But, you add a child to this equation and things become a little bit more difficult.  Usually, you hope to have someone you know who can hold Baby while you go to the bathroom by yourself.  However, this isn't always a possibility.  You might try to "hold it" until you return to the privacy of your own home so that you can put Baby in his/her crib or somewhere that you trust and know is clean.  But, there will undoubtedly be those times when you must use a public restroom by yourself with Baby. 

Some public restrooms are considerate of their customers who are mothers.  They include the changing table in the handicap stall so that you can secure the younger babies while you use the restroom.  Other restroom designers do not consider this difficulty - most certainly these designers are men.  They either install the changing table so that it opens directly over the toilet or they do not have a stall where you can put Baby somewhere while you do your thing.  This is when we, as mothers, must become creative.

I'm not a person who trusts public restrooms.  While some may appear to be clean, I will never sit my child on the floor - even for the necessity of emptying my bladder.  I'd rather risk embarrassment dancing the "potty dance"!  So, the only other possibility is learning how to properly use the restroom with your child.  Here are my pointers:

1. While Baby is still able to fit into a pumpkin seat, always bring it into the restroom with you.  You can safely put Baby in the seat while you do your thing.

2. Learning to maneuver yourself so that you can potty while holding Baby on your knees is important.  Note: Baby should sit facing away from you for greatest ease.  Baby carriers may be used with smaller children.

3. Teaching Baby not to look under the stall is important.  Singing songs to entertain them is never a bad thing.  It keeps them occupied!  If other restroom users look at you strangely, you will know that they are not or were never mothers.  Don't let them bother you.  They may eventually learn this art.

4. Most importantly, recognize the fact that you are a great mom.  Learning to take care of your own bodily needs while still taking care of your child/children, is an art and a skill that is difficult to develop.  You will face problems at first, but they will be overcome!

So, good luck in your endeavors!  Feel free to leave your potty tips in the comments!

Rocket Scientist, Brain Surgeon...Mom

There are a lot of professions that take years upon years to develop the skills, intelligence, intuition, and abilities in order to properly function in the profession.  People take thousands of hours of classes and practicums.  They spend decades developing and advancing their technologies and furthering their professions.  These professions are truly amazing.  They're not meant for the average person.

Motherhood is similar to these professions - except that you're not given years to prepare or thousands of hours to perfect your skills and enhance your knowledge.  It's a "learn by fire" career.  And, yes, it is a career.  If lucky, you're given nine short (although they may seem long at the time) months to prepare.

Some may say that a girl prepares all her life to be a mother.  But, is this really true?  From a young age we "play" mom, and we may even babysit or work as a childcare provider.  But, is this truly learning how to be a mom??  I would argue that these things may slightly help, but they don't come close to preparing you.

No one tells you all of the "careers" you will have to learn as a mom.  Here's a list of the few I've had to already learn:

• Hair stylist/Fashion designer
• Medical care provider
• Psychiatrist/Counselor
• Nutritionist/Gourmet Baby Food Chef
• Interior decorator
• Engineer (that furniture doesn't go together by itself)
• Repairman
• Car Seat Technician (this is as close to rocket scientist as I'll ever get)
• Travel Guide
• Opera Singer
• Dramatic Book Interpreter
• Comedian
• Fitness Trainer (Someone's got to motivate Baby to eventually move)
• Photographer/Videographer
• Interpreter (Baby words are often difficult for others to understand)
• Shepherd (Dogs may work well with sheep, but not so well with babies)
• Educator
• Sanitation worker
• Airplane pilot (it may be just an imaginary plane, but Baby still likes it)
• Financial adviser (Baby's got to save for college somehow)
• Taxi driver
• Etiquette instructor

These are just a few of the professions I've had to learn on-the-go.  Feel free to add to the list.  And, if you're just getting into the job, remember that to your baby, there's no one better than you!

Feeling Sexy: Before and After Baby

Every woman wants to feel sexy.  The definition for each of us may be slightly different.  For some, it's wearing stilettos while doing dishes or taking an hour to fix your hair that way you love to fix it, but never have time.  Others may feel sexy while dancing to that favorite song that you and your college roommate danced to while getting ready for a night on the town.  For me, it's what's underneath that counts.  Yes, I'm talking about the undergarments.

Let's face it, during pregnancy and afterward, it's hard to find nice bras and panties.  The nursing bras feel more like sports bras or the kind that your grandmother would wear.  You can't wear any Wonderbra, Very Sexy, or other bras that keep things in place.  No, you're relegated to the no underwire, no push up bras that don't cause clogged ducts and are padded - not for the sake of enhancing, but for the purpose of absorbing milk should you decide not to wear nursing pads.  The panties aren't really even panties - they're underwear.  They're the kind you bought because you didn't want to ruin your good panties.  They're as close to Granny panties as you can get while still being able to say they're not actually Granny panties.

While my husband keeps trying to remind me that he still finds me sexy (bless his heart!), I found a few ways to work around the lack of sexiness in order to make myself feel better - and sexier.  I found a local store that sells camisoles with lace around the neckline and hem.  I bought them in a size bigger than what I would typically buy (after all, I have to be able to nurse with them on - and they're not made for nursing).  I wear them under my shirts to add a little bit of embellishment to my otherwise drab attire - so as not to bring attention to the spit up or pureed carrots I tried to clean off my shoulder.

With all the other stresses that lead to the feeling of being a bit frumpy (lack of sleep, loss of hair, increased weight, etc.), sometimes it's just the little things that matter to make you feel sexy once again.  I encourage you to find that little something - whether it's making Daddy watch Baby so you can give yourself a pedicure, actually fix your hair, take more than a five-minute shower, or just take a bubble bath.  I can guarantee that, when you make the time for you - even if just a little time - you'll feel better and it will resonate into everyone around you!

A Mother's Schedule

I look at my daughter every day and think, "Life would be great if I could just return to being a baby!"  Think about it.  People want you to sleep.  They fix your food for you and even feed it to you. They're happy when you burp, fart, poop, or pee.  You get praise for simply saying "ma ma" or "da da", smiling, laughing, sitting up, standing up, crawling, walking, or even just doing nothing at all.  Plus, you've done a full day's work after simply playing with toys all day.  Oh, this is definitely the life!

A mother's day, on the other hand, is never finished.  We spend all day taking care of our loved ones, making sure they have everything they need, fixing broken toys or mending torn clothes, reading stories that rhyme, singing songs about farm animals or the wheels on a bus, and then try to find time to sleep to have the energy to do it all over again the next day.  This is not to mention that some of us also have "day jobs" to complete as well!

I am lucky enough to have a husband who attempts to understand all that I do in a day.  But, his lack of understanding isn't completely his fault.  He comes home from work and asks me how my day was.  Most of the time I simply answer, "Oh, the normal."  And, this is partly true.  But, how can someone really understand what normal is for a mother if they've never been one?  Well, here's my normal schedule (realizing that I work out of my home)...

2:00 AM (when lucky)

Awoken by crying child who needs either to be fed, changed, comforted, sung to, reassured, or generally loved

6:00 AM 

Awoken by same child who is ready to start the day.  Diaper needs changed.  Child needs fed and clothed

6:30 AM

Child is entertained by mother who is also trying to take a shower and get dressed

7:30 AM 

Mom begins her "day job", entertains child, and eats breakfast simultaneously

8:00 AM 

Child takes first morning nap

9:00 AM 

Child wakes and is ready for the next meal and a diaper change

9:30 AM 

Child entertains mom while she tries to work

11:00 AM 

Child takes second nap of the day (thankfully, the longest nap).  Mom continues her "day job".  Mom also tries to remember to eat lunch

1:00 PM

Child wakes up hungry and in need of yet another diaper change

1:30 PM

Mom has to change clothes because child has spit up all over her.  Mom and child read together (Mom has the books memorized)

2:00 PM

Mom and Child go on a walk or take a trip to the local coffee shop

3:30 PM

Child takes nap # 3 while Mom tries to determine what to make for dinner

4:00 PM

Mom tries to tidy up the house before Dad returns home

4:30 PM

Child wakes up ready to eat and have another diaper change

5:00 PM

Child plays while Mom tries to keep the house clean and not burn dinner she is making

6:00 PM

Dad arrives home and says what a long day he had while he takes shoes off and relaxes on the couch

6:30 PM

Dinner is served

7:00 PM

Mom cleans dishes and tries to prepare leftovers for Dad to take to work tomorrow while Dad plays with Child

7:30 PM

Child is ready for a bath, given by Mom

8:00 PM

Child is fed for the (hopefully) final time of the day

8:30 PM

Mom reads books to Child, sings songs, and says nighttime prayers

9:00 PM

Mom cleans up (yet again) the mess from the day

9:30 PM

Mom tries to get ready for bed while throwing a load of laundry into the wash

10:00 PM

Dad goes to bed while Mom checks email and breathes

10:30 PM

Mom changes the laundry from the wash to the dryer

11:00 PM

Mom goes to bed

If you're a busy mom, leave a comment below telling us how you stay organized, find time for yourself, or generally keep your sanity.






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Establishing Night Time Sleep

Since I assume that most of you reading this are either mothers or women who want to eventually be mothers, then we each know that our child (or child-to-be) is the brightest and most well-developed child out there (who wouldn't agree?!).  Our prodigy child wants to see and do everything - especially at night.  And, as mothers, we all know who gets to wake up during the middle of the night to teach Baby that, when the moon is out, we sleep...us!  A mother's physical need for sleep seems to diminish during the first months after Baby arrives.  But, our mental need for sleep is still ever present reminding us - day after day - that we are exhausted. Well, establishing night time sleep isn't impossible, and this blog will tell you how I did it and had my baby sleeping through the night by nine weeks old (which, for her age, was six hours of blessed, uninterrupted sleep).

I read many books prior to Baby's arrival about establishing a good sleep habit.  On Becoming Baby Wise: The Classic Sleep Reference Guide Used by Over 1,000,000 Parents Worldwide andHealthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child were the two most helpful books.  Through these books I realized that I could establish a pattern for my child's day - without taking away the basic needs of my child.  It was really pretty simple.  I started my schedule after Baby woke up.  I would immediately feed her and then we would play, read books, or do other wakey time activities.  Then, when she was tired, I would let her go to sleep.  While I tried not always to comfort her to sleep (i.e., nursing or rocking to sleep), I also realized that occasionally this was going to be the only way I would get any sleep.  So, I did what was needed for my own sanity and the health and nurturing of Baby.  I will admit, occasionally Baby slept with me just because I knew she would sleep.  I don't think there's anything wrong with this because it made me a happier and healthier mom so that I could grow a happier and healthier baby.

Over and over again, I utilized the routine: sleep, eat, play.  At first, Baby would sleep for an hour, then eat for an hour, and then play for 5-10 minutes, then go back to sleep.  However, as Baby grew, so did the time between each activity.  She would sleep for longer periods of time during the day, take less time to eat, and stay awake to play longer.  So, as she grew, we were developing her daytime schedule.  Throughout the day, we would follow the simple routine and she knew what was happening.  I also got to know Baby's cries because they became associated with our schedule.  If she had just woken up and was crying, I knew she was hungry.  If she had been playing for a while and was crying, then I knew she was probably sleepy.  

While this schedule didn't give me immediate nighttime rest (I was still waking up every 2-1/2 to 3 hours to nurse Baby), it did allow me to know if there was something else wrong.  If Baby woke up before the usual time, then I knew she was either gassy, had a dirty/wet diaper, or there was another problem.  While it sometimes took time to find the problem - and sometimes she just wanted to spend time with Mommy - I had some peace of mind that I was doing what was best for my baby.  Through utilizing a daily routine, I was able to determine times that I could take a shower because Baby would be napping and times when I could do chores because Baby would be awake and want to look all over the house while riding in our carrier.  Life was getting a little bit easier.  

Now, I am not advocating a parent-directed, hyper-schedule.  There are always going to be times when Baby needs extra food, attention, or naps.  But, I am advocating trying to establish some sort of sanity routine so that both Mom and Baby can find time to relax and rejuvenate.  After all, the old adage is definitely true: When Mom is happy, everyone is happy!

So, for those of you who have gotten your kids to sleep through the night, please feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments.  As mentioned previously, all babies are different.  What works for me may not work for you, but hopefully together we can help each other out!

I'm a Mommy...Really?

A lot of people will tell you that the first time you glance into that bundle of joy's little eyes, you'll be hooked.  And, for many people this may be true.  For me; however, this "bundle of joy" that was handed to me felt more like an alien.  It took me a lot longer than the first glance to realize that this was my child and that I was, in fact, a mother.

Now, I don't want you to think that I despised my baby or didn't want to be a mother.  It was quite the opposite.  I had been hoping and praying for a baby for a long time.  And, upon learning the news of my pregnancy, I was elated!  But, throughout my pregnancy, it never truly hit me what it would feel like to be a mother.  And, it took several weeks after the birth of Baby to actually feel like I was a mother. 

When Baby was born, she didn't look like me, she didn't seem to recognize me or my voice, and I didn't have an instant connection with her.  After several days, my husband and I finally found one thing of hers that was from me: her earlobes.  "Really?!" I thought.  That's all she got from me.  She was the spitting image of my father-in-law, but it took months before other characteristics from me began to develop.  I would get upset and feel hurt inside whenever anyone would tell me that she looked exactly like my husband or my husband's family - after all, she came out of me and I was the one that went through all the pain! 

But, as I've grown into being a mommy, I recognize that I still have the best and greatest connection to my baby.  No one else has the connection that I have.  After birth, we spent hours doing skin to skin contact which I think helped to seal our bond.  Through nursing, this bond has strengthened and, today, there are often many times when I am the only one who can calm Baby.  This makes me feel proud and like I have a purpose after all (despite just being an incubator for nine months!).

So, for those of you who don't automatically feel connected to your baby - or those of you who didn't - know that you're not alone.  Transferring emotions, habits, and attitudes from being a sole person to having another soul to care for is not easy.  It takes time, patience, and a lot of prayer, but eventually it does happen.  Be sure to tell others what you're feeling, talk to other moms, and remember that we have the greatest job of all!

If it took time for you to feel like a mom, I'd encourage you to leave a note and let others know they're not alone.  We're all in this together!

What Mother Won't Tell You...Take 2!

So, the first "episode" of "What Mother Won't Tell You" got such a huge response that I decided to write some more.  This seems to be such a huge area that we don't talk about, so let's get it ALL out in the open!  For those friends who requested it, here you go!  Since the warning was already included on the first part, I'll just add a gentle reminder...tread lightly!

Let's get straight into details.  During the last post I included my "New Momma" gift: overnight pads (without wings), Medela nursing pads, Medela nipple cream, cheap underwear, and a bottle of KY.  Now, here are the specific details for the reason behind these items:

1.  Overnight pads (without wings) and cheap underwear:  When I first went into labor and went to the hospital, even though I had taken all the preparatory courses, I still had very little idea of what to expect.  So, when I saw the gigantic "get everything", looks-like-a-puppy-potty-training pad on the bed, I was a little confused.  My water had already broken, and I hadn't even had the baby yet.  What was this supposed to get?  Well, to say it nicely, labor and delivery is not a clean thing.  It is messy.  Both before, during, and after delivery will involve fluids that you didn't know you had in you.  It will also involve amounts of fluids that you didn't know your body could hold.  Hence, there was also a bucket that "caught" everything as Baby was delivered.  Unfortunately, I can't explain everything about this because I refused the mirror that was offered during delivery...hey, I want to have another child some day!

After delivery, one might assume that your body has expunged all (or at least most) of the pregnancy-related items within you.  Ah, but you would be wrong!  I was dumbfounded when the labor & delivery nurse told me to put on the disposable, one-size-fits-all, mesh underwear with the inserted pads that basically formed a diaper.  Then, six weeks later, when my body was still ridding itself of fluids, I actually called my OB to ask if this was common.  I was sure that I had somehow been afflicted with a major pregnancy-induced catastrophe that would require hours upon hours of doctor visits, specialists, and eventually a medical journal write-up detailing the rare instance of my affliction.  However, none of this was to happen as my OB informed me that all was perfectly normal. 

Now, to explain the "without wings" requirement: delivery causes quite a shock to the lower half of a woman's body.  I was shocked to learn that it would be hours before I was able to go to the bathroom (and we're just talking #1) and then days before I could do the other (even with stool softeners).  The swelling that occurs after birth is one that takes weeks to go down.  My doctor prescribed an anti-inflammatory for me and, when that was finished, I used an over-the-counter medicine, but there is still irritation when anything touches certain inflamed areas.  Therefore, I highly encourage anyone who asks to purchase the pads without wings so as to reduce the rubbing on inflamed areas.  Whether or not you have an episiotomy, you will have swelling...it just happens.

2. Medela nursing pads & nipple cream:  For all women, regardless of whether or not you decide to breastfeed, you will experience a wonderful (sarcastic comment input here) experience known as breast engorgement.  Basically, a few days after the birth of Baby and just before your milk comes in, your breasts will grow to a ridiculous size and will harden as if they are made of concrete.  If you decide to breastfeed, your baby (who may still be learning how to latch on) will have such difficulty latching onto your concrete breasts that he/she may cause damage to said breasts (my baby took a chunk out of one of mine - who said no teeth wouldn't hurt?).  There are several products that you can buy to help reduce nipple and breast pain during this time, but my recommendation is to use a lot of warm washcloths and/or steam showers.  Not only does this help with the pain, but it also helps with the milk let-down which then turns those concrete breasts into something slightly less painful.  You can also pump prior to Baby nursing in order to allow him/her to more easily latch on.

Well, if you're worried about the breast engorgement, don't be.  It only lasts a couple of days.  Then, your milk comes in and the real fun actually begins!  Now, as a temporary tangent, my baby had A LOT of difficulty nursing.  So, some of the things I experienced will not be experienced by every mother.  As with every pregnancy, all stories and experiences are different.  After my milk came in, I experienced milk let-down practically all day.  Not only was my baby having difficulty nursing - hence not sucking all of that milk out of my breasts - but she was also crying a lot (she was hungry!) which caused me to have milk let-down nearly all day, every day.  Here is the reason for a quality nursing pad!  Being the ever frugal family, my husband and I decided to try the cloth nursing pads.  They didn't work for the simple reason that they became soaked within a matter of minutes.  Without any layer to contain the milk, it quickly soaked through to my nursing bra and then my shirt.  I tried several different nursing pads and then came to the Medela pads.  While they are a bit more expensive, I now use nothing else.  The Medela pads are comfortable, they don't look like you've stuffed your bra, and they contain the milk.  Granted, for about the first eight weeks, I had to change out the pads 3-4 times per day, but they worked!  As I have continued nursing, I still used nursing pads, but thankfully don't have to change them as many times a day.

The other experience with nursing is going to be nipple pain.  I had tried to prepare for this.  Prior to delivery, my doctor had told me to use a washcloth to scrub my nipples and begin to "harden" them so that they'd be ready for nursing.  I'm not sure if this worked or not because, after I began nursing, the pain was so severe that I ended up going to four different lactation specialists and two different doctors to try to determine what was wrong.  My nipples were cracked, bleeding, and - as previously mentioned - damaged.  There were times that I nursed and screamed.  But, I continued because this is what I wanted to do.  While nipple creams do not alleviate pain, they do help to reduce symptoms that can cause pain.  I tried a couple of different nipple creams, all of which said that I could safely nurse Baby without having to remove the cream.  The first few creams that I tried were more like Vasoline.  They were sticky, left a film which then transferred to Baby during nursing, and was difficult to clean from the nipple shields when I pumped.  Medela's nipple cream is one that goes on more like lotion.  It doesn't leave a film, and it made me feel more comfortable using it while nursing.  I also felt like it helped reduce the cracking and bleeding.  I used it religiously!

3. KY (or any other brand of lubricant):  Let's face it...if you've had a baby, then you've had sex and will eventually decide to have it again!  Now, remember all that I wrote above about swelling?  Well, you add sex to the mix and it's friction crazy.  Therefore, without getting into too many "specific" details for those friends and family who are reading this blog (and without losing my dignity and giving TMI), lubricant (and lots of it) will be needed.  If you are breastfeeding, you may need it longer.  Don't feel ashamed about it, it happens to us all!

So, for those of you who wanted more information as to why we need these products, I hope this blog entry has satisfied your curiosities!  lf you made it this far, I applaud you!  And, for those of you who this blog entry may scare, remember, being a mother is the BEST job you could ever ask for.  With each passing day, life gets better, pains go away, you get more sleep and more smiles.  Plus, do you really think that men could go through all of this and survive?  We are women, hear us ROAR!!!

What Mother Won't Tell You...

**As a special note, this blog entry talks about some detail into things that happen with a woman's body after pregnancy.  It is not for the faint-hearted.  Proceed with caution!

How many of us who have gone through labor and delivery came out of it thinking: "Oh yeah, that's EXACTLY like all of my friends said it would be!"  Well, I wasn't one of those people.  I was the person who came out of my labor and delivery saying, "REALLY?!  This is what my mother went through?  No wonder she didn't tell me!"  Then, after the first six weeks of Baby being home, I knew exactly why my mother never told me everything that would happen...she was afraid she wouldn't become a grandmother!

Now, don't get me wrong.  I ABSOLUTELY LOVE being a mother, and I'd never ask for anything - or anyone - else.  However, let's face it, labor, delivery, and those first few weeks are not like the movies or TV shows.  Labor lasts a lot longer (for those of us lucky people); delivery involves a lot more sweat and other things that aren't pretty; and those first few weeks are indescribable (albeit, wonderful when you look back at them a few months later).

After talking to a lot of other new moms, I realized just how much we didn't know about the entire process of becoming a mom.  Yes, yes, yes...we all were taught the birds and the bees, but who really knew about the six-week menstrual cycle you'd have after Baby arrived; breast engorgement; nipple pain; the pain of episiotomies, lacerations, and abrasions - not to mention the pain sex for the first time after Baby can bring?  It seems as though these topics are either taboo or items that everyone must figure out on their own.

While other people are busy getting all of those "New Baby" gifts, I've decided to begin a new gift giving tradition.  This gift contains overnight pads without wings (for those times when nothing smaller will do and the wings would just irritate certain areas), nursing pads (after many different trials, my favorite brand being Medela), Medela nipple cream (because it's more like a lotion than Vasoline), and Motrin IB (for those pains that stick around even after you've finished the doctor's pain prescription).  I also recommend to my friends that they purchase some cheap underwear that they won't mind having to throw away.  I've thought of tossing in a bottle of K-Y, but even that's a little too personal for me!

So, for all of you other moms out there...what were the items that you couldn't live without (for you) after Baby was born?  Or, what items would you recommend to other Moms-to-be?

Momma Needs a Night Out!

Everyone needs a night out once in a while.  Whether it's a night on the town or just dinner and a movie, getting away can be a great stress reliever.  However, when a baby's involved, it can also be a stress maker.

The first time I left my child at home with a sitter, I was both excited and terrified.  I had been planning for this event since even before my daughter arrived.  I had a charity gala to attend six weeks after my daughter's due date.  Tickets had been purchased.  I had my formal dress.  I made sure my husband would be available.  Everything was set.  Then...my daughter arrived in this world and I wasn't sure I'd be able to leave her.

Leaving a child for the first time can be excruciating.  Not knowing how they're going to respond, if they'll eat, if they'll sleep, if it will mess up their schedule, etc. etc. etc.  These are all things that go through your mind (or at least mine).  When preparing for my night out, I knew that I had good babysitters.  They were close friends, but I still worried.  What if something happened?

Looking back on this time, I've learned that worrying just comes with the territory.  Somewhere either before, during, or after the birth of your child - as a mother - you will begin to worry.  The degree to which we all worry will be different, but it's there.  Don't let this worry keep you away from enjoying a night out...hopefully with your hubby or some other girlfriends.

A night out is a great way to remember that you're still human.  Too many times, we spend night after night, day after day, doing things for our new baby and insisting that he/she is too dependent on us - so we just can't get away.  However, those little ones can be quite resilient!  I was SHOCKED to find that my baby could survive three hours away from me (or maybe it was me who could survive without Baby!).  That special night away helped me to feel like an adult and appreciate my time with Baby even more.


So, to all you women who think you can't go out on the town, here's some homework...find some girlfriends, or get that special man cleaned up, plan a dinner, movie, or just drinks out on the town.  You'll find that it's easier to relax than you think. However, if you're still unsure, ease into it...invite those girlfriends over for dinner and a movie at your place!  Whatever you do, make sure you do it for you!  YOU DESERVE IT!