A lot of people will tell you that the first time you glance into that bundle of joy's little eyes, you'll be hooked. And, for many people this may be true. For me; however, this "bundle of joy" that was handed to me felt more like an alien. It took me a lot longer than the first glance to realize that this was my child and that I was, in fact, a mother.
Now, I don't want you to think that I despised my baby or didn't want to be a mother. It was quite the opposite. I had been hoping and praying for a baby for a long time. And, upon learning the news of my pregnancy, I was elated! But, throughout my pregnancy, it never truly hit me what it would feel like to be a mother. And, it took several weeks after the birth of Baby to actually feel like I was a mother.
When Baby was born, she didn't look like me, she didn't seem to recognize me or my voice, and I didn't have an instant connection with her. After several days, my husband and I finally found one thing of hers that was from me: her earlobes. "Really?!" I thought. That's all she got from me. She was the spitting image of my father-in-law, but it took months before other characteristics from me began to develop. I would get upset and feel hurt inside whenever anyone would tell me that she looked exactly like my husband or my husband's family - after all, she came out of me and I was the one that went through all the pain!
But, as I've grown into being a mommy, I recognize that I still have the best and greatest connection to my baby. No one else has the connection that I have. After birth, we spent hours doing skin to skin contact which I think helped to seal our bond. Through nursing, this bond has strengthened and, today, there are often many times when I am the only one who can calm Baby. This makes me feel proud and like I have a purpose after all (despite just being an incubator for nine months!).
So, for those of you who don't automatically feel connected to your baby - or those of you who didn't - know that you're not alone. Transferring emotions, habits, and attitudes from being a sole person to having another soul to care for is not easy. It takes time, patience, and a lot of prayer, but eventually it does happen. Be sure to tell others what you're feeling, talk to other moms, and remember that we have the greatest job of all!
If it took time for you to feel like a mom, I'd encourage you to leave a note and let others know they're not alone. We're all in this together!
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